No man purposely chooses the Geico caveman look (well, no stable ones, anyway.) We think it’s just a matter of being too busy to take care of the necessities. Below are a few manscaping tips to keep you properly groomed, yet not metrosexual. (Don’t worry, dude, we’re not suggesting clear nail polish or anything like that.)
1) Ear and nose hair: Remove all visible hair growing from these facial appendages. Though easy for you to ignore, we wives see it…and it bugs us. We would offer to do it for you, but you’re a grownup and we’re not your mom.
2) Neck hair: When shaving your face, don’t forget your neck. Even if you have a goatee or beard, sporting a homegrown fur-tleneck just looks kind of strange.
3) Back hair: While chest hair, in moderation, is sexy to many women, back hair thick enough to weave a bathroom rug from doesn’t rank high in attractiveness in any culture. We wives diligently shave our legs and wax our nether regions for you. How about taking the edger to your back once in a while?
4) Unibrow: If you have one and think no one notices it, you’re wrong. Everyone does. And they talk about you when you’re not around! One word….TWEEZERS!!! Use Them! It’ll take less than five minutes to get rid of that unsightly brow connector. You spend way more time than that playing Angry Birds.
5) Untamed Facial Stubble: Sometime after shaving… between hour five (on guys with prolific hair growth) and day five (on Neil Patrick Harris), your beard stubble turns your face into the equivalent of an angry puffer fish. Wives don’t particularly enjoy having our cheek flesh sanded off when kissing our husbands at this stage between shaves. We just don’t. Call it a character flaw. As a courtesy to us, will you shave your stubble before you reach the danger point? Please and thank you.
6) Fingernails: Should always be clean and trimmed to a proper length. No exceptions. Also, it’s important to point out that never is it appropriate to clip or clean out from under your fingernails at any social gathering…not your Aunt Ruth’s 85th birthday party, the neighborhood supper club, and definitely not as foreplay. However, if you’re one of those guys lucky enough to have your own man cave, groom all you want to in there. Activities like this will make the room even more manly.
And unless they can be donated to the Smithsonian, please throw away your toenail clippings when you’re done.
Remember these five easy tips on husbandly grooming and you’ll never have to listen to your wife nag about your Cro-Magnon ways.
About the Author: Angela is an award winning humor columnist, freelance writer and public speaker living in Middle Georgia, and the San Francisco Bay Area. She uses her keen insight and clever wit to help husbands understand the complex mechanisms that are their wives. “I like to think of goodhusbanding.com as an owner’s manual for the average wife. Of course results may vary, but we’re all fairly similar whether we admit it or not.” Angela uses her background in psychology, the myriad of learning experiences offered through her ten year marriage, and input from her “in the trenches” audience members across the country as input for her articles.