Are you sick and tired of feeling like a visitor to your own home? Do you look around and see only floral wallpaper and frilly pillows and other girly crap in the castle that you’re supposed to be the king of? You pay a respectable mortgage every month, but can’t claim a single inch for your own personal space.
Well, my friend, it sounds like you’re long overdue for a man cave. “What’s a man cave,” you ask? (If you have to ask, then your need is obviously pretty urgent.) A man cave is a room, basement, garage, attic, workshop, shed or even closet that’s yours and yours only. Furnishing, décor and activities may vary but one thing’s for sure, your cave or “hubby hole,” as some call it, emanates manliness. It’s the one place where your wife’s design input, cleaning obsession and Lifetime made-for-TV movies are not allowed. Clip your toenails on the coffee table. Leave a week’s worth of beer cans on the bar. Have a farting contest with your buddies. And watch as much Ultimate Fighter as you can handle. Your lair is the one place where you don’t have to hold back from doing things that would get you cut off from sex anywhere else.
Man Cave Must Haves
What you put in your mantuary is largely determined by your interests: ie favorite hobbies, sports teams or brand of beer. While one guy’s cave might be an X-BOX 360 interactive theater, another’s could be modeled after a seedy juke joint with wood chips on the floor. But no one says you have to go with any theme. It can be as simple as your worn out recliner, a six pack of beer and your old guitar. The point is that every guy needs time to himself and a place of his own, where he can get away from his wife’s nagging, kids’ shrieking and boss’s demands…and just be himself.
Here are a few of the most popular man cave components (according to informal polling in men’s restrooms at sporting events across the country.)
Refrigerator or Kegerator: The average guy likes beer…and lots of it. Not having to walk through your house and risk being assigned a chore in the middle of your man time is worth having your own fridge. There’s no man time killer like “Honey, I need you to give the kids their baths,” just as you’re about to play Guitar Heroes-Warriors of Rock with the guys, but needed a beer from the kitchen. Trust us, buy your own fridge. If you plan to do much entertaining, you’ll want to invest in a well-stocked bar, complete with Heineken and Jaegermeister on tap.
A Big Ass TV: If your wife’s ever caught you salivating over a 60-inch plasma TV at Best Buy while she had a more sensible 42-inch model in mind, then you must purchase the huge one for your man cave. There’s no question of common sense or budgeting, you deserve the biggest TV you can find. Just think of all the quality male bonding that will take place in front it. Think about how much meaningful those shots of Denise Richards’ cleavage will be on screen the size of dining room table.
Recliner or Reclining Sofa: Even the coldest beer and most violent hockey game can’t truly be enjoyed without the right seating. Every guy needs a comfy recliner of his own where he can put his feet up, rest his hand in the waist of his jeans and balance his spit cup on his distended belly. Forget stylish upholstery and the latest design. Comfort is the name of the game. Having built in cup-holders is a good idea too. One satisfied man cave owner told us that the best chair in the world is his 30-year old garage sale La-Z-Boy. You can put any money you save on your recliner aside for that gargantuan TV.
Tooth Loosening Sound System: The quality of your sound system must be right up there with your TV. You can’t relive those glory days listening to old Springsteen and Pink Floyd albums on a plain stereo. You want audio quality that can penetrate your eardrums and alter your DNA. You need a base thumping sound system capable of annoying people outside of your neighborhood.
Manly Décor: Your man cave is the best and probably the only place you can display all those art works de testosterone that your wife banished to the attic. Neon Budweiser signage, mounted dead animals, arrowhead collections, that cigar store Indian that showed up on your lawn after your last party, your autographed Peyton Manning jersey, your autographed Jessica Alba booty shorts and pin-up calendars all work well. A reproduction of the classic Dogs Playing Poker print is always a classic that goes with any man cave décor.
Other Forms of Entertainment: Again this largely depends on what you’re into. But a few popular items include a pool table, dart board, arcade video games, a poker table, a putting green, and a stripper pole (for hired female guests). Some men have gone so far as to install urinals, “because peeing standing up is the ultimate in manly activities,” says John Wilson of Alpharetta, GA.”
The bottom line is, it really doesn’t matter what you put into, or how you decorate your man cave. Just remember it’s your lair. No wives, girlfriends or kids….except by invitation.
Filed Under: Man Stuff
About the Author: Angela is an award winning humor columnist, freelance writer and public speaker living in Middle Georgia, and the San Francisco Bay Area. She uses her keen insight and clever wit to help husbands understand the complex mechanisms that are their wives. “I like to think of goodhusbanding.com as an owner’s manual for the average wife. Of course results may vary, but we’re all fairly similar whether we admit it or not.” Angela uses her background in psychology, the myriad of learning experiences offered through her ten year marriage, and input from her “in the trenches” audience members across the country as input for her articles.