PDA: Your Secret and Not-So-Secret Flirtations

Recently, an observation at dinner with friends caused me to take a closer look at the well-loved pastime that we fondly call PDA – Public Displays of Affection. My dinner companions are a well-established couple, together for at least a couple of years. It’s obvious that the magic hasn’t worn off for them, because they held hands throughout our entire meal, occasionally hindering their ability to actually eat. At first, I thought it was cute. Then romantic. Then annoying. :/

Then I had to mentally shake myself and say ‘what! Foxie, what’s wrong with you, girl?!’ See, I used to be the certifiable queen of PDA. I remember being chastised my friends with ‘No PDA!’ any time my high school sweetheart and I would hold hands, or kiss under the tree at lunch, or giggle together about that thing we were going to try later behind the science building. There was an entire party in college that was spent on the couch making out with that tall dark and handsome engineering student. It was my party, actually, come to think of it … hrm, don’t remember much else about it …

Anyway! There are lots benefits to PDA – you get to proudly proclaim your love for (or claim to) the person clutching your hand in theirs, you get the thrill of touching their hot-ass self all the time, and of course, there’s that sexy people-can-see-us rush for the exhibitionist in all of us. (Rowr.) Beyond that, for oppressed groups such as the GLBT community and biracial couples, PDAs allow them to demonstrate their equality and legitimacy.

So what happened to me then? I’ll tell ya, honestly, I think I’m gettin’ old. But like a fine wine …  Ok, no really, it turns out I never gave up on PDA. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I’ve just gotten better at it.

Here’s an example for you:

Scene: Friend’s house, Netflix Night.

I’ve got a loveseat to myself. I am cozy in a blanket. A fella walks in late. This is a fella who I’ve been, ahem, acquainted with previously. No one else in the room knows about this, it is our little secret. The only seat left is with me on the loveseat, and so of course, he sits. (Now, you’re expecting me to tell some wild story about how we had sexy action under that blanket, aren’t you? Well stop that. It’s much better, what really happened.)

What really happened is that I noticed the tiniest little nudge of his foot against mine. Then I noticed the slowest, smoothest, sexiest caress of the arch of my foot, all just with his toes. Then it was gone. No eye contact, no sounds, no stirring. No one noticed but us.

That. Was. Hot.

That was so hot that thinking about it again made me crazy excited to launch a PDA inquisition. (Of course!) Since this is GoodHusbanding, I enlisted a couple of friends to help me ask Real Married Couples and Practically Married Couples what kinds of PDA keeps their fires burning. There were so many fun and sexy responses! In general, there seemed to be two categories. The first is what I’ll call Classic PDA, in which couples use visible contact such as hand holding, kissing, and other touches to communicate/demonstrate their affection. Lots of couples said they don’t really hold back in this department!

Specific types of touches matter for some couples. One of the ladies said “if i wanna be mean, I could run my fingers along his neck, which is acceptable in public, but totally makes him twitch.” Just the idea of that makes me shiver! A different couple has a special way of holding hands: “We do a normal handhold, but interlock just one finger each…. it’s sort of hard to describe, but it feels really weird to not do that now.”

One couple began their relationship as a long-distance one, and so it’s extremely difficult for them not to be obvious with their PDAs because they are just so ridiculously happy to be with each other finally. They have a ‘problem’ that they call The Gaze: “we fall in to each others’ eyes for spells, and it then takes effort to notice that “people and things” still exist.”



I can’t even hold a flickerin’ candle to that one, so let’s move on to the the second category, which I call the Secret PDAs, the ones like my foot nuzzle (swoon). Some of these involved wordplay. I love wordplay.

Coffee: such a simple pleasure, right? You have no idea. For one couple, a benign comment on the train, “thanks for making me coffee this morning, dear” means “thanks for the hot morning sex, you sexy beast”.

A different couple: “I tell him all the time, ‘I could really go for some ice cream’ which is code for the fact that he wants to lick me until I scream.”

<blink blink>

I’m sorry, but I think your ice cream is melting everywhere from the steam in here!


Finally, I want to wrap up with “air noms” which is a secret gesture one of the couples shares, and sounds delicious! It seems like air noms involves making a sexy face and then clicking ones teeth together in a nommy bitey kind of way. I hope I’m correct about that, because that’s hot. I am thinking that it’s kind of like how I say ‘rowr!’. I love saying ‘rowr!’. Apparently air noms “happen across a conversation, across a room, and they’re pretty snappy and silent, thus potentially being undetected by others.”


At this point, all I have to say is this: you people are sexy. Sexy secret and not-secret sexy people. Rowr!

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