Robin Williams may think his “Jerry Garcia meets the Unibomber” beard is the coolest thing since Mork’s rainbow suspenders, but 99-percent of women disagree (according to a random, yet highly discriminating female population sample).
Alec Baldwin is all about showing off his shag carpet of a back on beaches throughout the world….but who’s actually looking at those photos thinking….”mmmm, if only my husband was blessed with such great back hair. I’d love to cuddle up against him in bed and get a mouthful of those black tumbleweeds.”
And then there’s Martin Scorcece’s eyebrows. How can I accurately describe them? It’s as if twin superhuman African American caterpillars mated with a couple of well-used Brillo pads. The eyebrow offspring are joined in the middle by a dozen strands of black moss. Excuse me, Mr. Scorsese. I’m guessing that you’ve worked so hard being a brilliant film producer that you neglected to notice the Brillopillars shading your eyes from the sun. Sheepdogs envy you.
Okay, enough celebrity examples of bad (or rather NO) grooming where body hair is concerned. Men, we wives appreciate all that you do to provide a good living, endure our emotional rollercoasters, take care of the kids and keep the yard perfectly manicured. But, please don’t forget your own personal landscaping (aka manscaping). There’s no more powerful mood killer than being in mid-foreplay and suddenly noticing what appears to be a four-inch piano wire dangling between Hubby’s eyes. My obsessive-compulsive disorder kicks in. And rather than continuing onto the main event, all I want to do is pluck that freakish hair out. (I did learn NOT to say “Honey, before you climb on top of me, let me run grab the tweezers.” Trying to pluck the hair during missionary position sex can result in blindness.)
Why is it that the same men who spend much of their lives mowing, weeding, edging and sometimes combing their lawns are the same ones who have mini-toupees sprouting from their ears and nostrils. And their toes look like Frodo Baggins’. The other day after an afternoon of mowing and blowing his Chem Lawn treated grass, my neighbor pulled of his t-shirt to reveal a torso that appeared to be wrapped in grizzly pelt. I know several men who suffer from this malady. And admit it or not, you do too.
I know i’m becoming dangerously close to sounding like the typical whiny female who’s always trying to change things about her man. So I won’t belabor this point. Bottom line–Please, guys, take a little time each day for a some hair removal maintenance. Remember, we shave our legs for you. Many of us endure painful and embarrassing wax treatments simply because you like the results. Taking two minutes at night to pluck your unibrow and nasal hair isn’t a lot to ask. Now is it????
About the Author: Angela is an award winning humor columnist, freelance writer and public speaker living in Middle Georgia, and the San Francisco Bay Area. She uses her keen insight and clever wit to help husbands understand the complex mechanisms that are their wives. “I like to think of goodhusbanding.com as an owner’s manual for the average wife. Of course results may vary, but we’re all fairly similar whether we admit it or not.” Angela uses her background in psychology, the myriad of learning experiences offered through her ten year marriage, and input from her “in the trenches” audience members across the country as input for her articles.