Why Men can’t talk about their wive’s “Time of the Month”

We all know that women get overtaken by the Lunar Lady of Lunacy every 28 days or so.  Inevitably, a woman goes off into a Spiral of Doom, and there is nothing for her husband to do but try to not get sucked into the Vortex of Suffering.

I’m sure you guys know better than I what the face of the Lunar Lady of Lunacy looks like.  Weepy, angry, pissy, apathetic, and crazy all wrapped into something that very closely resembles the woman you married.  I’m sure it’s frightening and exhausting at the same time.  I’m also sure you’ve run into the trap of trying to point out that perhaps your wife isn’t thinking clearly because it’s ‘that time of the month’… and feeling the repercussions of that statement can shake you to your very core.

 

I feel for you.  I really do.

 

So why is she allowed carte blanche to go all crazy-go-nuts on a regular basis, but you’re not allowed to even bring it up?  Blame the Lunar Lady of Lunacy.  She takes control of your logical, thoughtful, and wonderful woman and twists everything in her world into something vile.

Your wife, trying her very hardest to win the Battle of Sanity against the Lunar Lady of Lunacy, cannot be expected to understand anything that is going on outside of that battle.  When you try to talk to your wife, the Lunar Lady of Lunacy takes advantage of your wife’s distraction to get another cheap shot in.  Whether it’s cramps, inexplicable tears, or a full and unending feeling of hopelessness and anger, the Lunar Lady of Lunacy got another one in… and it was all YOUR fault!

After the battle, your wife has little to no knowledge of what happened during that week.  The Lunar Lady of Lunacy takes all memory of the battle with her – that way, there can be no strategy planning based on previous battles.  That means, when you try to talk to her about her Crazy Time, she has no idea what the hell you are talking about.

 

So what can you do?  Shore her up!  Make her feel beautiful, wonderful, smart, and sexy.  Those are the only defenses against the Lunar Lady of Lunacy.  Don’t blame her for the battle she has to fight every month.  Trust me, she’s not having a great time either.  She doesn’t want to cry, and yell at you and make you feel bad… she just can’t help it.

 

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About the Author: Abby Dryer's goal in life is to bridge the communication gap between men and women. She finds herself giving lots of marital advice to her guy friends whose wives don’t want to have to explain *everything* to their husbands. “Women are hard to understand. I’m a woman, and *I* don’t even get us sometimes! Goodhusbanding is a great guide to help men understand their women, and hopefully communicate with a little more confidence, because that’s what works… communication!”

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  1. Tia says:

    I’m not sure this is actually the tactic I would take…actually, it isn’t the tactic I take. I think it’s important to acknowledge my own emotions, because just like drinking, PMSing doesn’t turn me into a different person. It might shorten my tolerance, or exacerbate my reactions, but those reactions are still responses that are natively Tia responses. It comes from this person that I actually am, even if most of the time, I can think fast enough to gauge how appropriate my feelings are.

    Braden and I openly talk about this, because for a large portion of our relationship, most of our fights were caused by one of two things: I was too hungry to gauge my response or I was PMSing and thus not gauging my response. So when Braden asks me if I need to eat because I’m getting snippy, it’s now almost more of a joke to remind me that I’m being a prat. While Braden isn’t dumb enough to ask if I’m on my period, he’ll ask if anything else is up if I’ve just eaten. 

    Since your message with Goodhusbanding is about communication, I think it’s totally critical to recommend communication in all quarters. There are ways to bring up the level of response to an issue without being a misogynistic terd. “Are you on your period?” is pretty much the most ridiculous question ever to ask.”I’m sorry. You seem to be reacting to something other than what I just did/said…is there anything else that could be affecting your mood?” Is both an invitation to talk about what’s actually going on in your lady’s life and a way to show support.

    Whooops, that ended up being super long. >_>

    • Abby Dryer says:

      Tia, I absolutely agree with what you’re saying, and I am the sort of wife who can say “I am overly emotional today, and I have no idea why. I think we need to talk about this later…” He nods knowingly and we move to a different subject. The thing I was pointing out here is that it’s never a good idea to bring it up to undermine what she’s thinking/saying/feeling with ‘well, you’re not thinking straight, because you’re on your period.” That hits at the core of most women I know as the deepest blow. A friend and I were talking about it… and he asked why he can’t say that. This article was an attempt at explaining it for the guys who don’t have wives who are as self-aware when the LLL takes over – but you’re right – it’s truly not the whole story.

    • Abby Dryer says:

      Tia, I absolutely agree with what you’re saying, and I am the sort of wife who can say “I am overly emotional today, and I have no idea why. I think we need to talk about this later…” He nods knowingly and we move to a different subject. The thing I was pointing out here is that it’s never a good idea to bring it up to undermine what she’s thinking/saying/feeling with ‘well, you’re not thinking straight, because you’re on your period.” That hits at the core of most women I know as the deepest blow. A friend and I were talking about it… and he asked why he can’t say that. This article was an attempt at explaining it for the guys who don’t have wives who are as self-aware when the LLL takes over – but you’re right – it’s truly not the whole story.